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djweeble

Joke for All1

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It's September 1990. Princess Di and Dodi have just arrived at the Pearly Gates, where they are met by St.Peter. “Name and religion, please", says St.Peter.

 

“Diana, Princess of Wales. Christian - well, sort of ” replies Diana.

 

“Dodi al-Fayed, Muslim - well, sort of ” replies Dodi.

 

“Er, Dodi, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you’ll have to say goodbye to Di”.

 

“But why?” says Dodi. “Don't you know we are lovers, planning to get married? We were intending to have lots of children together”.

 

“Well, that's no longer possible, I’m afraid”, replies St.Peter. "You see, the Muslims here decided last year they wish to have a separate Paradise. Theirs is now enclosed within a high wall, allowing no contact with Christians and Jews. We tried to reason with them, naturally, but they were adamant.“

 

“But you can't be serious!” the lovers reply in unison.

 

“Deadly serious, I’m afraid” says St.Peter. “Now, if you wouldn't mind, Dodi, kindly say goodbye to Di, then walk along to the archway on the left. My opposite number will attend to you. Just ask for Big Mo.”

 

“But this is outrageous” says Di. “Listen, I renounce my Christianity right here and now. Consider me a Muslim. Come on, Dodi, let's go and talk to this Mo chappie.”

 

“Er, kindly stay where you are, Diana my dear ”, says St.Peter. “Did you not get the message God sent you, the one telling you that he no longer wanted you to marry a Muslim”?

 

“What message?” replies Diana. “I didn't get any message.”

 

“Oh dear” replies St.Peter, shaking his head in disbelief. “You seem to be having another of your blonde moments Diana. Don’t tell me you failed to get the message….

 

“Where? When? By whom?” asks Diana.

 

“Well, we tried several ways of getting the message across to you – but none of them worked. With you, it's a case of in one ear, out the other.

 

So we had to resort to Plan B. We sent it by special courier. You may have got a brief glimpse of him, late last night. Man driving erratically in a white Fiat.

 

Not the kind of person you want overtaking you in a Parisian tunnel…”

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