Jump to content

Actual Passport Letter

Recommended Posts





This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.


Dear Sirs,


I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.


Do you guys do this by hand?


My birth date you have on my pension book.


It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.


It is on my National Health card.


My driving licence.


My car insurance.


On the last eight damn passports I've had.


It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.


All those insufferable census forms.


Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!


I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!


You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!


What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?


Look at my damn picture.


Do I look like Bin Laden?


I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.


And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?


If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fecking people I'd want to tell!


Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another poxy copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.


Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?


Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.


You'd rather have us running all over the fecking' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fecking' morons)


Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!




An Irate Citizen


P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?


Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...


I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.


However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..



Link to post
Share on other sites

Excellent but so true. We have all sorts of checks at work because I go airside at an airport to maintain aircraft. we are allowed to carry our tools with us but still have to be searched each time. Anything they look for can be carried legally in our toolboxes except water to drink or milk for our tea.

We also have to have these stupid criminal record checks done and a provable work history going back god knows how many years just to get the airside pass. Fair enough but what of the immigrant workers who clean the aircraft who have only just arrived in this country? Their checks only go back as far as the day they stepped onto British soil. :Angry_32: :Angry_32: 3d-mad_zpsac0793bc.gif

Link to post
Share on other sites

The is a simple answer to that if you don't have a history going back say 5 years you fail the background check


and at a airport you'd think they will play it safe.


I have a mate that will be going airside soon when they extend a runway and the checks he has had done on him.

they know I'm a friend of his.


now the immigrants do they have to say who they have as friends before the start of there U.K history

Link to post
Share on other sites

As far as I know all they have to give is from when they "landed" in the UK. Anything before is not required.

What is just as galling is that I have to do this every 5 years or so and I've had my airside pass for 25 years with the same company and same airport. It does wind me up.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...